An Exchange of Emails Between the Hostas and Kitten by Lynda Helmer

Dear Kitten,

We've headed south to our "winter home" until next Spring when we will return to your owner's lovely garden. We look forward very much to playing with you again! Good job with the hard candy....impressive!
Until our return, here are a few ideas you might want to pass along to your owners that you will find helpful in keeping you in shape for Spring Sparring with us in 08:
1) Have your owners tie a piece of string to a wooden dowl. For some reason, the string comes to life when attached to the wood and needs to be killed.
2) If your owners own a "laser pen", it needs to be attacked as well. The pen itself isn't the problem. But, if your owners press the pen, a red light beam emits from the pen and THAT'S the problem. You will need to chase this light around to catch it but once you do, give it all you've got. Humanity will be forever in your debt.
See you next Spring!
Best Regards,
The Hostas


Dear Hostas,

I wondered where you were.

My owners do go "catfishing," as they call it, with string tied to a bamboo pole. It's fun.

Q says we will play with the laser pointer this winter when we have to stay inside. What is a laser pointer? And what is winter? That's what I want to know.

Your friend,

Kitten

Dear Kitten,

Hey, thanks for the "hat tip" on what that game is called. We never knew it had a name. We've seen owners of cats play the game outside but never heard them refer to it by name. Come to think of it, we probably didn't hear them because we don't have ears.

Ah, a laser pointer. Scary name for such a little thing. Looks like a pen. You've probably observed your owners sitting at a table moving one of their arms and hands in a rhythmic way holding a narrow object in their hand. THAT'S a pen. A laser pointer looks a lot like that. The difference is, owners can't "write" with it and "writing" is what they are doing in that rhythmic way when they hold a pen. (We think it's probably boring....it can't be half as much fun as having your buds tickled by a kitten.....). Anyway, a laser pointer will shine a small red light wherever your owner points it. IT'S THE RED LIGHT YOU HAVE TO ATTACK. What do humans use laser pointers for? We really don't know. All we DO know is that little red light should be treated like a piece of hard candy in a noisy wrapper.

Let's see...winter. Best way we can describe winter is to suggest you stand next to one of your owners the next time they open the refrigerator in the kitchen. The refrigerator is that big thing that holds some types of food, most of which you will think is tasty. Many cats and kittens like to hang with their owners when they open the refrigerator because some treat might drop on the floor they could enjoy. You may have tried this already. Anyway, stand by them when they open it and NOTICE THE TEMPERATURE. Better yet, if your owners open the freezer, DEFINITELY NOTICE THE TEMPERATURE. THAT'S winter. THAT'S why Q says you'll be staying inside. Trust me, you will want to. From time to time, should you glance out a window, you may see white stuff on the ground. That's snow. Same temperature as your owner's freezer. It's pretty and COLD. However, if you are a hosta, it keeps the roof on our southern home warm and, in turn, it keeps us warm. But, this only works for you if you are a hosta or one of our cousins called a perennial. If you are a kitten, you can only feel as warm in winter as we do by staying inside and playing with a laser pointer.
Hope these explanations help! Feel free to ask anything, anytime. We just relax and hang out down south now so we have LOADS of time on our hands.
Enjoy catfishing! Looks like great fun to us...we really enjoy watching it.

Your friends,
The Hostas


Dear Hostas,

That's what winter is?!?

You've got to be kidding. I'll believe it when I see it.

Your sceptical friend,

Kitten


Dear Kitten,

We forgot to tell you, winter won't be a huge issue for you, even when you are older. You have a permanent fur coat. You're wearing the summer version of it right now. As the next several months pass, your coat will get thicker. If you were an "outdoor" cat, you'd have a REALLY thick coat. If you are going to remain an "indoor" cat, it won't be as thick, but thick enough to keep you comfortable. Next Spring, you'll begin to shed the heavier coat. Don't worry. It's perfectly normal. You'll just notice your owners running that huge, noisy machine called a "vacuum cleaner" more often. You probably don't like it. It's big and it's noisy and it seems to move fast when they are at the controls. Don't worry about that, either. It never moves without your owners at the control and the only thing it knows how to do is pick up dirt and debris off the carpets in the house. It can't hurt kittens. Doesn't even WANT to. Anyway, one of the reasons we go south is because along with no ears, we don't grow fur coats. You have both. You, my friend, hit the jackpot!

Today we heard from cousins of ours who live about a mile or so from where we reside. They are STILL up north! We couldn't figure out why until we all realized they are much older than we are and can stay north longer. We wish you were nearer to them as we've told them all about you and they would love to play with you. They send their best regards. They'll be joining us in the south shortly. They also told us that today is a lovely day up north. Enjoy it! If it was like that every day of the year, we would stay up north. In a few months, you will see for yourself why we can't. We are really anxious to hear from you once you see what winter is. In a way, we think you'll like it. You'll probably want to train the snowflakes that fall from the sky. (Very tiny, very pretty, weigh absolutely nothing and disappear altogether if it's warm enough. If it's cold enough, they assemble on the ground as if they were holding a convention. They stay as long as it's cold enough. Once it gets too warm, they have to head north. It's just the opposite of what we do).

Winter won't be here for awhile so in the meantime, keep enjoying summer! Wait until you see Fall....the next season on the calendar. It's GORGEOUS. VERY colorful. And, as an extra special treat, the leaves on the trees change from green to various bright colors and eventually fall off the tree so that you can play with them if you like. They come back to the trees, always green, next Spring. Fall can be cooler than summer but not as cold as winter. You'll know Spring is coming back when the snowflake convention is almost over and you begin to see new friends, like us, return north from our winter vacation. (You'll also see your owners in the garden. ALOT).

Enjoy!

Your friends,
The Hostas